mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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