dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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