I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
