You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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