do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
