honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
