my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
