she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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