tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
