Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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