I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
