Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
