Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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