you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
