I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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