You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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