I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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