Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
