My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
