I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
