making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
