Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
