i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
