3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
