I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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