You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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