New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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