Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
