what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
