I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
