I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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