When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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