He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
