I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
