Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just had sex on a roof
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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