Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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