I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
