I want to have your abortion
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
