And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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