If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
