woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
