The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
