VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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