Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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