No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
