he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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