you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
