Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
