and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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