he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
