I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
