I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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