after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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